Let’s take a moment to talk about judgement. What is judgement and how does it affect you?
the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions
That’s the definition – straight from Google. Most people think of judgement as if it only means someone is looking at you and your actions negatively. When really, without judgement there is no right or wrong. Everyone in the world would live in chaos because lack of judgement means lack of logical thought influenced by moral sense. Now let me say this, you judge yourself by judging others. And you might say, “well, what the hell does that mean?” It means that the judgement you make about someone else ultimately is a shadow of yourself that others will see despite how you see yourself. And therefore you bring on that negative or positive judgement based upon your own actions.
The fault with judgement, however, is that we say we are or aren’t judging someone based on popular and personal opinion more than facts with a fine sense of morality. Now let me give you a statement and show you the difference between personal opinion and facts:
Two jobs were given at the same time for the same entry level position, one to a woman and one to a man. The woman gets paid $5 less an hour than the man for starting wage. The hiring manager is a man.
What’s your judgement of the hiring manager?
You might think that the hiring manager is a piece of shit for not starting them both with equal pay. He must be sexist and you want to stand up for this woman and get the guy fired because this is clearly not equal rights. The world is run by power hungry men. So let’s stand up for women and march for our rights!
That’s judgement by personal and popular opinion.
The facts are: the woman is a 110 lb recovering drug addict, whom consistently arrived late to her last job but is trying to change her life around. Though she cannot physically perform the same tasks in the same amount of time as the man, she was given a chance at a job to be successful for herself. And the man is a 190 lbs of muscle that can do her job 4x faster, is healthy, early to work and had several recommendations from previous employers.
Now make a judgement on the hiring manager. Do you still feel the same?
Now, that is not to say that sexism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and etc. do not exist. Though complaining about how others see people and applying your own misjudgement to an entire group does not make it any more than an uninformed opinion. And more so calling yourself oppressed and giving statements about these people being one or more of these derogatory things does not make it true. This type of thinking is quite common in today’s day and age, to follow the crowd of pressed social opinion rather than the facts and ability of oneself to make a sound decision about a person.
With the quickness of the internet and all the different technologies, simple uninformed statements get blown up so quickly around the world. When did we stop thinking about the source of these statements and just start agreeing or disagreeing with people without a second thought? When did we become so gullible? We lump people together based on so little information and don’t know who or what we are fighting for in the end.
How does this type of thinking affect you and your everyday life?
Imagine you were that hiring manager. It wouldn’t feel so nice to be categorized as a sexist when you aren’t. You had to make a judgement of the woman and the man and several other candidates to choose who you would hire. You would rather be recognized for being the open minded person that gave a job to a woman who desperately needed it for the sake of staying clean to achieve a healthy, prosperous life – not a women hater. And if she does well in her position, then your judgement to choose to hire her shows well on you. It says that you can see deeper into people and look at them for who they truly are. Based on that judgement alone allows you to thrive in your environment and gives you the power to help change the life of another again and again.
The reason something like that would be so helpful is because you would then know your purpose and you would give purpose to others. That, I think, is what we all try to do in life. We all want to find our purpose. Who are we? What do we like? What are our dreams? Base your dreams upon your own educated and informed perspective. Think for yourself. Describe a single person for the sake of determining who they are to you based on facts and human connection. We can’t change others, though we can change ourselves. If everyone changed their own mindset to discovering their opinion based on facts, we wouldn’t see the issues we currently do in our society.
And just think, if we all had our own judgements – what is then capable of each individual? Take politics, religion and whatever else out of the equation and think in terms of life itself. We only have one life, one chance per moment to do with what we choose. When you categorize a group of people as a means of staging your disadvantage in life, you are only putting a blockade in front of your success. Who is to say that you can’t live up to your dreams and make them a reality? We will all have unforeseen circumstances that we need to overcome, some harder than others but we grow into the individuals we choose to become. Grow from the tragedies and unfortunate events. Know what it means to truly be better today than you were yesterday.
What happens to us today gives us the wisdom of who to be tomorrow.
Sometimes judging ourselves for the worst that we have become is the hardest part of knowing how and when to move forward for the sake of the soul. The moment you find yourself at rock bottom and feel like there’s nothing in this world for you – is when you make the biggest strides in achievement because there’s nowhere to go but up. To finding true happiness and therefore succeeding in ways you never knew you wanted to. You end up finding the meaning of life in your darkest days. So while you can sit around and judge everybody else, they can fall, grow strength, achieve and change more in a shorter amount of time than it takes for you to realize change is even happening. All because you were too busy worrying about what others need to change about themselves to better your life instead of changing yourself to better your life. It’s a very hard pill to swallow – the insecurities, faults, and failures within ourselves that we pin upon others to avoid what brings them to light.
So en light of understanding that change comes from within oneself, know that even though it involves a lot of work, you do not have to go through significant self change by yourself. It is nice to have others stand by you while you, alone, work on yourself. To have the support of someone that wants to see you succeed for yourself makes your achievement all the sweeter. Though, know that you do not need validation from anybody to change. If anything feeling that need of validation from others is a weakness of the faith you have in yourself to become who you are truly meant to be. The YOU without the intoxication of the world around us.
When you have found the inner bliss of the mind, you’ll know, because you will feel constant relief. It doesn’t come from validation – hearing from someone that you have changed or gotten yourself together. You feel it within, all the time, regardless of who says what about your life. There’s an overwhelming sense of continuous happiness that nothing and no one can shut out. You will feel feelings you never knew you had in you. Empathy grows and we become in tune with our emotions and thoughts. Clarity crashes over you and wipes away the negativity. Everything about life, good or bad, becomes clear. That’s when you know you have become what you were meant to be in this world.
Hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
When we make a judgement of someone before knowing all the facts, it creates a confused sense of hate. This leaves you with opinion to make up for the lack of intellect. And when you hate something, you hurt yourself by giving expectations of how and why others should change to make your hate go away. It’s simply a contradiction of what you are trying to achieve – humanity. And this hurts your way of thinking, not who you hate. Change yourself, your hate will go away or stay based on the clarity you now have to understand the facts of person’s character. Once you can clearly recognize why you no longer hate (or still hate) someone, take a deep breath and make a plan of attack. Attack your hate.
Remove what creates that hate out of your life. If you hate your job, find something else to do. If you hate your ex, get rid of everything that reminds you of the hurt they caused you. If you hate where you live, move somewhere else. You are only limited by what you allow to limit you. I don’t care if you are living in poverty, you do what you have to to get where you want to be. Go to your local library, search for job openings on the computer in an area that may be across the country but has more opportunity. You apply anywhere and everywhere that you might want to live and you just do it. If you have to work doing something you don’t particularly like for the sake of having money to provide for yourself and your family, then do it. Because there is no rule in the world saying that you have to work there forever. Your life changes because you want it to change. Or you can continue living in poverty, complaining about lack of jobs, shitty neighborhoods, high crime rates, so on and so forth and have the same life day after day. No one in this world is going to magically save you. It is not anyone’s job to save you from yourself, your life and your decisions. You work for what you want, and you earn what you receive. Have faith in yourself to know that you are as capable as anyone else to achieve your dreams.